a. In retrospect, yesterday was the best day I've had since we've been in Texas. There was just so much about it that was right and made me feel like I was in the right place.
b. Oddly enough, today seems like it is the worst/hardest/most challenging day I've had since being in Texas. Aside from being hot and sleepy all day, today seemed like one of the days when God was a long way away.
c. Turns out that Cetelia felt the same way today as I did. We both had to encourage ourselves, and remind ourselves of God's promises, power, and care for us.
d. We looked at houses yesterday, and were excited about them. Today we found out 80% of them were under contract already. My hopes were dashed.
e. I found myself moving to a place of not caring anymore. I wasn't mad, I wasn't sad, I was just lukewarm; almost numb. I realize that being lukewarm is a dangerous place, and can really stunt my faith.
f. There are a couple of verses I'm holding onto: "I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." (Psalm 27:13-14).
g. I gave our hosts' son a ride to football practice this morning, then took both sons to their basketball game this afternoon. I was sooo sleepy. So sleepy in fact, I slept through a portion of the first half. The cheering, bouncing ball, whistles, and squeaks on the floor were all white noise to me.
h. The sun doesn't go down until 9:15 or so, so we don't start winding down until an hour or so later than we need to. We've got to fix that so we can go to bed earlier.
i. I realized that I've not spoken a great deal about Marriage Works! in these postings. I guess that's because Marriage Works! has been on my mind least.
j. I'm having to fight through feelings of not being settled so I can keep working and moving Marriage Works! forward. It's not easy for me to do. I'm really having to tell myself that I can still get things accomplished for Marriage Works! although I'm working here, there, and everywhere and have random work hours. It's not what I would have preferred, but it is my current reality.
k. I saw a sign today based on 1 Corinthians 13, and this portion jumped out at me: Love perseveres. That is, God's love in me perserveres (to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success).
l. My current struggle, if you will, is not at all physical (although I do realize the role having a rested, well-nourished body plays in the equation). It is spiritual and emotional. My mettle is being tested.
m. While I don't try to equate my "suffering" to anyone else's, and realize that I have things so much better than most, I do consider my present situation a form of suffering compared to what I'm used to. Romans 5:3-4 helps: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
n. Hope -- that brings me full circle. Hope is what I lacked today. If I'm to continue to lead my family well, I have to have hope.